Sunday, November 20, 2011

Condone?

 

What is the definition of being a parent?..

  • a home to live in
  • food on the table
  • love
  • guidance
  • education
  • leading by example
  • compassion
  • understanding
  • discipline

anyone can be a parent..children don’t come with an instruction manual or a return policy..

Being a parent is the hardest job ever..you try and do your best and some times it seems like your best is not good enough…

We have always kept the door to communication open and have let Carlie talk to us about pretty much everything..

Some would call it ‘oversharing’ while others would say ‘good for you’

As she got older we had always told her that if she ever needed a ride home..no matter what time of day or night we would come and get her..

 

  • no questions asked
  • no yelling
  • no screaming
  • no saying..’you are grounded, young lady!’
  • no arguing
  • no passing judgement

Now she has called us  a few  times in need of a ride home..and we have gone..no questions asked…

This was one promise that we kept with her…and for that we are most grateful that she feels like she can call us no matter what…

Oh, we have made our mistakes but on the whole she has turned out to be a fine young woman…

Now you may be wondering where this is heading..well…

it seems that our favourite commenter has returned..

Mr. Anonymous..

here is what he/she said with regards to our daughter’s injury on Friday night..

Anonymous said...

Getting drunk and breaking one's elbow is not something to be trivialized or rewarded for. It is usually a sign of a serious drinking problem.
I'm just shocked you would even be talking about this in a public blog.

so in answer to this comment I will say…

We do not condone our daughter’s behaviour..she is a grown woman and has a mind of her own..she works one full time job and a part-time one too..so there are weeks where she is working more than 60 hours….

Does she have  a ‘drinking problem?..most definitely not..it was a night out on the town with her friends that ended with an injury!

Some bloggers would say just ignore the comment but this one was uncalled for…to say that we are condoning her behaviour and writing about it as a sense of reward is the furthest from truth..

I can remember when we were younger and would spend the evening at the bar..and drive home..that was the way it was with our generation..at least our daughter’s generation has the common sense to take public transit, a taxi, use a designated driver or call the parents for a ride..

Our lives are far from perfect and this blog is a recap of that not so perfect life!!..

Now as for you, Mr. Anonymous?…what kind of parent are you?..if you are a perfect one?..well, more power to you!!..I wish I could say that we are perfect but that would be unrealistic!!

Now for all the rest of the readers who were kind enough to comment and wish our daughter a speedy recovery, and without passing judgement or telling me that I should not have written about this accident…We want to say thank you…

This blog is far from perfect..it is our life…can’t be all fluff....some days just aren’t fluffy..some are ‘flat on our face..meet the sidewalk kind of days’…

..nuff said

 

 

 

     
     

29 comments:

  1. All I can say....how seriously can you take the comments of somebody who can't even remember his or her own name?

    Hope Carlie is feeling better.

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  2. I'm just getting caught up on reading. Poor Carlie. Not only hurts but probably was kind of embarrassing also. I was lucky when I was young - I didn't have any wrecks and I didn't break any bones. Just glad she had good friends with her. And you just never know - she may be just a little more cautious next time. Or maybe not. I wouldn't have been. Hope she's feeling much better. She is beautiful.

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  3. I don't think someone who uses the Anonymous cover realizes how cowardly they look. Anonymous might b any one of your regular readers who doesn't want to be recognized.

    I leave it as an option because some people do not have a blogger account, but I wold hope they would also sign their name.

    I think your daughter WAS responsible. She was not driving.

    She could have fallen in the same way stone sober. I know I have.

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  4. Sue and Doug you are very good parents. And I would be proud of Carlie she deserves a good time with friends. They were all responsible and watched out for each other. Accidents can happen at anytime. Mr Anonymous is way off base with this one. And he knows it by remaining anonymous. I hope Marissa doe as well as Carlie I would be proud.

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  5. You both are very good parents. I also noticed that some people do not have a blogger account, but I would hope they would also sign their name to follow or following.

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  6. GRRRRRRRR....Mr. Anon you are a jerk and not worthy to shine Carlie's shoes.

    Sorry Sue - couldn't help but let off a little steam in his direction. I think you know the community at large, and especially those of us who have met you, know that you are wonderful people and parents. We may not always agree with our children's actions but we should always be a soft place to land. Good for you and Doug for being there for Carlie. How many parents are more concerned about being "right" (or self-righteous) than about being there when their kids need them?

    Okay, I'll quit now - although I want to go on!! Feel better Carlie.

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  7. Anonymous, you are way off base here. Sue, we know that you were just writing about your life, like you always do. When a child of ours gets hurt, no matter how old they are, most of us parents are there to help them in whatever way they want us to. It most certainly doesn't mean that we always condone their behavior, but that wasn't even the issue here to begin with. Well said, Sue, both today and yesterday!

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  8. I think this (the Nony-Moose type of posting) is one of the few things that really tends to urk me about the internet.
    I just remind myself that,
    'Internet Connection' + 'Keyboard'
    does not equal 'Intelligence'.
    Nothing much else to say really.

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  9. Well, actually...
    (while this is rumbling around in my head)
    Let's refer to our younger daughter and her minor mishaps over her life so far. She's 34. (I'm not sure if she's a clutz, but she seems to have had a few)

    1) Broken ankle when skating. School trip. Don't recall her age, but she was young enough that muggins here was able to pick her up and move her around. That was fun.
    Status: Sober.
    And yes, we "condoned" her skating.
    2) Slipped down our front (concrete) steps and cracked her tail bone. Ouch.
    Status: Sober.
    Can't say I'd "condone" anyone going too fast down those steps. They are not very forgiving.
    3) Slipped on a walk-off (entrance) mat that had way too much snow on it at the entrance of a pub on a St. Patrick's Day "pub crawl", and did the exact same thing to her arm that your daughter did.
    Status: Possibly a little tipsy!
    At that point she was too old for us to "condone" or not "condone" her actions. Besides, this was 2002 and we were living in Puerto Rico at the time. She could do whatever the heck she wanted.

    So, statistically speaking, since our daughter had two thirds of her accidents when she was stone cold sober, using the "Nony-Moose" analogy, it's safer to be drunk.

    Wouldn't you agree?

    Just wanted to put the absurdity into perspective.

    Have a nice day.

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  10. The parents were living in P.R.
    Not the kids.

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  11. I wish blogger had a "like" button! Love your comment Bob!! :)

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  12. You're always going to have those that hide behind "Anon" ... disregard (easy to say; I know my blood would have boiled upon reading the comment).

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  13. Sue & Doug after reading your blog for a Long time, one thing I know is it is truthful and written from the heart That's a tough goal for a blog poster, because all of life has it's moments and sometimes it is not easy to bare your soul and tell it like it is. Don't see anything wrong with a girls night out and if it wasn't for the fall, which may or may not have been alcohol induced. It would not have been noticed by Mr Annon. After riasing four boys and having 3 out of the four acquire their Dad's taste for a cold beer, My youngest is like Donna and doesn't drink and id his crowd's driver.I can say been there and done that, Donna & I always had the same policy of being able to be called no questions asked, funny thing about that policy is that the boys would usually say the next day "Dad Did I ever screw up last night and want to talk about it.As far as Mr,
    Annon. Goes he is probably just a member of the House of Buethole (pronouced Butthole) and is showing it. You done good all around.Be safe out there.EH.. Sam & Donna

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  14. Totally agree with your last paragraph. I also believe some comments, whether they be Anonymous or otherwise deserve a come back. I like your Jeep header pics by the way:))

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  15. Very well said.

    Don't get in the way of a mom and there young..

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  16. Love Donna K's comment: We may not always agree with our children's actions but we should always be a soft place to land.

    Our son has had some difficulties...one of which IS a drinking problem. We allowed him to have a "soft place to land" and that is one reason we decided to part-time instead of full-time. We gave him a place to "land." It has made all the difference in his life. He is ok now...thank God. Having the relationship and open communication policy probably saved his life!
    You guys are wonderful parents and your relationships with each other speak volumes of that love and guidance. You can bet she will be there for you guys if/when the time ever comes. She has had awesome role models to follow. Hugs!

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  17. Like Jim and Sandie, we're just catching up, didn't know about Carlie's elbow. So best wishes for her quick recovery! Perfect parents? we are far from it, but our home was where a lot of the kids gathered, and it was a safe and welcoming place for them -- because they knew that there would be parental (or grandmotherly)presence at all times. No parents home? No kids, but there was nearly always one of us or Grandma Mary in attendance.

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  18. I agree with the thoughts that have already been expressed - and, I hope Carlie's elbow heals up quickly.

    Just one more thing.... like most folks, I always immediately assume that Anonymous is a Mr. Could it be Mrs. Anonymous??

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  19. Sorry I missed about Carlies accident and I wish her a speedy recovery... I too agree that anyone is a coward who does not sign their name... I don't believe there is a perfect parent out there but we all strive to do the best we can... We all have oops moments and hope they don't happen again.... You are a very good parent!!!
    {{{HUGS}}}
    Donna

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  20. Right on. She showed great judgment in having fun and not driving! Calling you for help-priceless;)

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  21. very good blog comeback Sue and Doug...my guess is Anon was never a parent...hence the judgement...like you we kept an open line of communication between us and our kids..(all five of them)...and it worked good for us...yes there were nights we crawled out of our warm bed at maybe 2am to pick them up but they are all still here with us and are upstanding citizens so we must have done something right...hope Carlie feels better real soon....

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  22. Why is it that those who like to be righteous and uppity use "anonymous"?? The only "perfect" was crucified....Get over it, Mr. Annon!

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  23. Would be willing to bet annonymous
    has no children....I know when I was in my early 20's and had no children I knew everything about how they should be disciplined,how they should act etc....then I had them and well found out I wasnt so smart after all......my doc said same thing about falling...dont put out your hands causes more damage...as Sam said I dont drink, but probably know more about falling than he does....down the stairs w/ the laundry basket....up the stairs w/ the dog...on the ice getting mail...and on and on,....didnt get the nickname twinkle toes for nothing.
    Glad you publiclly let anon have it.

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  24. Things happen and Carlie learned a lesson. It's called life and very kind of you to share yours with us.

    Unlike someone who is afraid to share even their name.

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  25. I too (Janna) have no children and you were totally right to respond to the anonymous comment. I hate anonymous comments--if you don't have the guts to leave your name then don't bother commenting! And I like Bob's comment--computer+keyboard does not equal intelligence!

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  26. I think your response is correct, and is what Judy and I would have done for sure... Mr. Anon wants to live in a bubble and not notice what is going on around him or her... and just feel that their life is always good! Hello... anybody home Mr. / Mrs. Anon????

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  27. You're so right...nuff said! Very classy response, although you certainly have nothing that needs to be defended here. As you said, your daughter was out for a night of fun with friends, and was being very responsible by taking public transit! Good for her, she sounds like a wonderful daughter! And I love to read blogs that "keep it real". We had the exact same policy with our daughter...call ANYTIME you need a ride, anytime of day/night, and we'll be there, no questions asked. Hope Carlie heals quickly!

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  28. Oh good Lord!!!!

    I agree with Paul and Mary! And then everyone else too...

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